Maid of, Honour?
by CLWN
Summary: Bella can't wait for her sister to fuck off on her honeymoon so she can get back to her normal life away from Forks, trouble is, she's got to make it through the wedding first. E B, short story, no angst, just fun and fluff. All the usual suspects.
1. Chapter 1

**Twilight and its characters are not mine. There is no schedule, I'm just trying to get back into writing, it's been ages, so this might take a while. But this is a little story I've had in my head for a while. Sorry.**

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**Chapter 1**

It's stupid 'o' clock on Saturday morning, I'm nursing the hangover from hell, and right now I want nothing more than to stab my sister in the eye with a rusty fork, although I'm pretty sure that would ruin her wedding pictures.

But she just won't stop talking.

It's her 'big day', so I know she's allowed to be completely self-absorbed, I just don't understand why it's me that's having to listen.

"You're my maid of honour Bella…" Oh yeah, that's why.

Turns out being Rose's maid of honour roughly translated to me having to be her personal slave for the last week.

Thank God she's fucking off on her honeymoon tomorrow.

I love Rose, I do, but can we say high maintenance.

I'd swear she's adopted, but my parents insist she wasn't.

I'm not convinced.

She's still talking, not realising I zoned out about thirty seconds after she started talking, and that's got to be a good ten minutes ago now.

"Mom!" I yell, startling Rose and bringing my mom rushing to my room.

"What's happened? Rose, are you ok?"

What the hell? It was me who yelled for her, but no worries, I'm fine, thanks for asking.

"Make her stop talking," I tell my mom, who glares at me, but thankfully leads Rose out of my bedroom.

I roll over delighted and go back to sleep.

I'm woken at a far more decent hour by my dad, who tentatively calls my name.

"Hey dad," I say far more cheerfully than he's expecting.

"Hey, it's past eleven, the wedding is in less than three hours. Rose is getting twitchy, you know your sister, she wants everything to be perfect. So if you're up, can you maybe start getting ready?"

"Sure, no problem." I smile and I swear he looks more shocked than is polite, but I decide not to comment, the extra hours of sleep have put me in a much better mood.

An hour later I'm showered and in my God awful bridesmaid dress; it's peach, taffeta, and more frilly than should be legally allowed.

I look utterly fucking ridiculous.

I shove some cereal in my mouth, muttering under my breath about how I'm never going to be a bridesmaid for anyone ever again and cursing my sister when I hear an almighty scream followed by loud wailing coming from the bathroom.

I'd like to say I ran towards my obviously distraught sister, but honestly, I wandered in her general direction, hoping someone else would get to her first.

I'm just not that lucky.

I find my sister sobbing, red-faced and blotchy, sitting on the toilet in her massive bridal gown.

"What's up?" I ask, not really wanting to hear the answer because I just know it's going to be a massive catastrophe that will no doubt involve me needing to do something I don't want to do.

"I got my period." She howls, bursting into tears again.

"Ok…, you've had one before though right?", I ask hesitantly, I mean she's twenty fucking six this can't be her first time, but the way she's carrying on I can't be sure.

"Of course I have idiot," she says testily so I get up to leave her alone, I don't need to be insulted. "Wait" she yells, "I don't have anything, do you? This is going to ruin my wedding, I wasn't due. Oh God, my honeymoon." this thought sends her into another fit of hysterical sobs, and I try my hardest to look appropriately upset for her.

"Bella, what did you do to your sister" my mom comes rushing into the bathroom to check on Rose.

"What the fuck! Nothing!" I throw my hands up in the air, "Why do you assume I've done something?"

"Sorry", she says absent-mindedly while she fusses around Rose.

Of course, it's me who has to jump in my truck and head off to the store, hoping I don't see anyone I remotely recognise from when I used to live here.

I look like a complete fool in my sneakers and bridesmaid dress. But as I was reminded, it's my sisters special day, so I needed to do whatever I can to help the day go smoothly.

Fuck my life.


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own twilight or it's characters, otherwise, I'd be on holiday!**

**I'm overwhelmed by the response to this, so I thought, why not the 2nd chapter? Thank you for the reviews, it honestly blows my mind that people read what I write. Thank you. **

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**Chapter 2**

I'm annoyed as fuck as I jump out of my truck and head into the store.

I'm sure I look pissed off and not in the mood to talk to anyone as I enter.

I'm immensely pleased there's no one I recognise inside.

In all honesty, I'd been hoping, and up until now, managing, to hide out at my parent's house and piss off back to Seattle as soon as Rose had said 'I do'. I had no desire to run into anyone I knew from school.

The small town of Forks was not for me.

It's not that the people here were awful, they weren't, but the whole reason I moved away was to escape this stupid town where everyone knows your business.

Having grown up in Forks, I decided early on, that I wanted to be out of here as soon as possible.

I don't do small talk or unnecessary pleasantries. I don't want to pretend I give a shit about someone's new haircut or where they went on holiday.

I honestly don't care.

Yet in the dull town of Forks it seems that's all anyone has to talk about.

But I do what I have to do and pick up what Rose needs before heading over to the checkout.

I'm waiting impatiently to be served when I sense someone behind me.

It wasn't annoying, like when someone stands too close to you in the line as if invading your personal space will somehow magically make the line move faster.

No, this was different.

It reminded me of that weird sensation you get when you just know a certain person has walked into the room even though you have your back to them.

And that's what made me look over my shoulder and then up, because man was crazy tall.

He was already looking down at me, all great hair, fancy suit, green eyes, good looks and again, great hair, because not gonna lie, the hair deserves a second mention. It was incredible.

Too polished and perfect, I made a quick judgement that he was probably a massive douche, in my experience most perfect people were; case in point, Rosalie, my perfect sister, and the only reason I'm here in the first place.

I was about to flash him my well-practised 'oh shit, I accidentally made eye contact with someone and I can't just stare blankly at them', fake smile when he spoke.

"Hi there."

"Hey," I replied; I might not be a people person, but I'm not outright rude.

However I wasn't there to chat either; I wanted to get to the checkout, buy Rose's tampons, and get the hell out of there.

"So, do you come here often?" He asked.

Now usually I have some kind of verbal filter, I really do, I try my best to behave like a normal human being when I'm in public, but I was so shocked he'd asked me that, that I couldn't help my response.

"Of course I do," I said turning to face him properly. "It's the only store in this shitty little town, _everybody _comes here often; hence the fucking ridiculous line for the checkout."

I have a foul mouth, I've been told many times it's unfeminine, unbecoming and sometimes just plain offensive, but I am who I am.

If he was shocked by my little outburst he didn't show it.

In fact, he smirked at me, like full on smirked, raised eyebrow and everything.

And I instinctively knew he wasn't actually trying to pick me up at the grocery store.

He was fucking with me.

I couldn't help the amused smile that broke out on my face, even as I shook my head and turned back around.

He didn't say anything else, but I was acutely aware of him.

I could feel his eyes on me when I was at the checkout, and as I was leaving I glanced at him.

He was already watching me, and as we made eye-contact he winked at me.

"Loving the dress," he mouthed to me, smiling widely.

I looked down at myself and was mortified, having temporarily forgotten the awful get up I was in.

Embarrassed, I gave him the fakest smile I could muster, and the finger, rushing out of the store and back to the safety of my truck.

Reminding myself it didn't matter, there was no need to be distracted by a pretty boy I met at the store. I'd never see him again, I'd be out of here by tomorrow, and I would never need to see or think about fancy pants or his amazing hair ever again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Twilight is not mine. Your reviews continue to make my day, but I can't seem to access them to reply. Will get on it as soon as I can. Kitty, as always, completes me. Thank ****you to everyone reading and lovely to see so many familiar names. But please let me know who you are on fb so I can put the ff name to the fb name. Thanks for sticking ****with me. x**

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**Chapter 3.**

"You are an absolute lifesaver Bella," My sister gushes when I return home. "Thank you."

"It's only tampons Rose, I'm not giving you a kidney."

"I mean it though, and I appreciate all you've done for me this last week." She smiles gratefully and I smile back as she rushes off to the bathroom. I know I moan about her, a lot, and she's a massive pain in my arse, but she is my sister and a really good person.

I grab a couple of glasses and the bottle of champagne that's been chilling in the fridge.

"Let"s get this party started," I say as I walk into Rose's room, popping the cork and pouring us both a glass. I raise mine in a toast nodding towards her.

We clink glasses and she giggles. Christ, she's beautiful.

I'm happy for her, she's met the love of her life, and it's all she's ever wanted, to have babies and live in contented marital bliss. I fight off the urge to shudder, it's the exact opposite of everything I want.

"Congratulations Rose. You look stunning. I'm so pleased for you."

She looks at me strangely, tilting her head and frowning.

"What happened?"

"Huh?" I look down at myself, checking to see if I spilt champagne on my dress or something.

"At the store, you've been home for a full ten minutes and you've not cursed once, and now you're being nice."

"Fuck off," I laugh.

"Something's happened," she says confidently. I shake my head at her and she gives me a look that clearly indicates she thinks I'm full of shit.

"Did you run into someone from school, oh my God, did you run into Jacob?"

"No, and trust me, if I run into Jake, it will be with my truck."

"So..,"

"Ok," I whisper. I don't know why there was no one else here. "I did see this hot guy"

The comical way her mouth hangs open as she looks at me stunned makes me laugh.

"Little bit rude to look so fucking shocked."

"Sorry Bella, but this is huge!"

"Not really," I say, because I have actually seen guys before, my eyesight works just fine.

"It is! I've never known you show any interest in guys, I thought you were a lesbian."

"What the fuck!" I mean, what the actual fuck?

"Are you and Alice not a couple?"

"What? No!"

"But you live together and she's your plus one today."

"We live in a two bedroom condo. And she's my best friend, I wanted her to come so I wasn't bored shitless at the reception, and it's not like I had anyone else to bring."

"I just assumed you were 'special friends'." She even does the finger quotes to make her point.

I'll be the first to admit I'm up for trying anything once, but it had never occurred to me that my sister might think I was that way inclined. Alice is gonna piss herself laughing when I tell her.

"Anyway, back to your man."

"He's not _my_ man" I roll my eyes. "I don't even care, it's not like I'll ever see him again, I'm just saying he was hot."

"What's he look like? I'll probably know who he is." It's true; if anyone would know who he was it was her, she knew everyone in this town.

"Amazing hair, tall, hot."

"I'm gonna need a bit more than that to work with," she laughed.

"Not normal tall," I try to explain. "I mean like, fucking circus freak tall. Green eyes, he was wearing a suit, as I said amazing hair…,"

I could see her mind working overtime before she shrugged, "Doesn't sound like anyone I know. But if he was wearing a suit, he's probably coming to the wedding."

"What!"

"Seriously Bella, how many people wander around Forks in suits on an average Saturday? He's probably one of Emmett's friends from college."

Fuck, she's right.

"In that case, I should probably mention I gave him the finger as I left."

"What the hell is wrong with you? We're not in 4th grade anymore, you can't just punch someone you're attracted to, and who gives someone they don't even know the finger?"

"He was making fun of my dress." I'm not being funny, the man had a point, the dress is ridiculous, but I'm not going to tell Rose that.

"Well that's just rude," she looks offended. "You point him out to me later. I'll be having a word with him myself."

"The cars here girls," my mom calls up to us.

"You ready?" I ask Rose.

"Yep," she beams, "Let's do this."

"Girls, you both look incredible," My dad says as we walk down the stairs, clearly he's lying in my case. "Emmett's a very lucky man Rosalie. And Bella, ahem, um, well, uh, Alice is very lucky too."

Rose snorts out a very un-Rose like cackle, while my parents look at me awkwardly.

"For fuck's sake Rose." I glare at her, reminding myself it's her wedding day and it would probably be frowned upon if I throat punch her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Twilight is not mine, nor are it's characters. I just like them to swear. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. Love you all. x**

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**Chapter 4**

We arrive at the church, and my mom gives us each a kiss on the cheek, before rushing off to take her seat in the front row.

Alice is waiting for me in the small lobby, and I head over to her as Rose fusses with my dad's suit and tie.

"Fucking hell Bella, you look hideous," She laughs. "You said it was bad, but I had no idea it was this bad."

"Go fuck yourself Alice. You know I had to wear what she chose. But look at you, you look incredible." I tell her.

"Why thank you." she twirls around and blows me a kiss.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, I just found out my family think you're my girlfriend."

"Hah, you wish, no girlfriend of mine would be caught dead in that outfit. Besides, I watched everyone arrive and the amount of hot men attending this wedding is off the fucking chart. I'm so pleased you invited me."

"Talking of, I saw a fuck hot guy earlier. Rose reckons he'll be here. He was so tall and he had the most amazing hair. He was gorgeous, almost too perfect, you know, but I think he might be pretty cool, cos I swear he was fucking with me the whole time I was in the store, he even took the piss out of my dress."

"I like him already," she laughs "But what the ever-loving fuck were you doing going out in public dressed like that?"

"Don't ask, I wasn't happy about it."

"You talked to him though?'

"Not really, I said 'hey', then I may have ranted a bit, and given him the finger."

"Oh my God, you really liked him."

And this is why Alice is my best friend, she gets me and is the only person on earth I could talk honestly about this with.

"I don't know, there was just something about him. Hopefully he won't even be here and I can forget all about him."

"But if he's here you're gonna hook up with him right?"

"No harm in having a bit of fun if he's up for it I guess." I'm more excited by that idea than I care to admit to Alice, or myself. "It's not like I'll ever have to see him again after today."

"True," She agrees.

"Hi, you must be Alice," Rose interrupts us.

"Nice to meet you Rosalie. I've heard so much about you. Your dress is stunning, you look incredible, and you couldn't have picked a better bridesmaid dress for Bella. It's spectacular."

My sister smiles graciously and excuses herself to go talk to my aunt.

"Spectacularly awful," Alice sniggers, "She looks fantastic, but you..., Jesus Christ."

She takes out her phone and snaps a picture of me. "You do realise I'm never gonna let you live this down."

"Bella," My aunt Kate rushes over, looking relieved to see me. "And you must be Alice, Rose filled me in, it's wonderful that Bella has someone."

Alice barely conceals her mirth as she greets my aunt and I mentally start plotting revenge on my sister.

"Are you ok with me leaving these three with you? I need to go take my seat." Kate gestures at her kids in their flower girl dresses.

I struggle to come up with a more appropriate way of phrasing 'Fuck no,' and hesitate long enough that she takes my silence as agreement, disappearing into the church and leaving me with her three brats.

"I'm gonna go inside and let you deal with that," Alice says looking as horrified as I feel. "See you after the wedding..., _lover._" She winks suggestively as she pushes through the door into the church.

Heidi, my youngest cousin runs over to hug me and I try not to grimace as I bend down to accept it. "So pretty." She literally yells at full volume directly in my ear.

Seriously, these girls are nuts, and one of the main factors in my decision to never have children of my own.

"Don't you look fantastic, you're all so beautiful, let's get in a line, it's time." Rose, of course, is a natural with small children and they immediately do as they're asked.

As the doors swing open, I see how many people are packed into the small chapel.

"Fuck me Rose, did you invite the whole pissing town?"

"Can you at least try and not say the F-word around the children." She says under her breath through gritted teeth.

The three flower girls walk down the aisle slowly and I step up to the entrance.

Alice turns in her seat, grinning wickedly and giving me a double thumbs-up, I barely resist giving her back a one-fingered salute.

"Son of a bitch," Rose says as we're waiting.

"You ok?" I ask over my shoulder because Rose very rarely curses.

"I'm fine," She says "It's Edward. He's the best man for goodness sake, he could have made an effort." She's shooting daggers at the man standing next to Emmett at the alter.

Not that he would notice, no, he's too busy looking at me, with a very familiar smirk on his perfect fucking face.

"Motherfucker," I exhale.

"I know! I specifically asked him to get a hair cut. It's awful isn't it?"

"It's an absolute fucking nightmare," I agree, only, I'm not talking about his hair.


	5. Chapter 5

**Twilight is not mine. Thank you for reading, thanks to all the people that review, thanks to my friends in the group, thanks for sticking with me. I'm excited today cos Kitty arrives in two weeks. Going to be the best weekend EVER!**

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**Chapter 5**

"That's him," I hiss at my sister.

"Who?"

"Hot guy from the store."

"Where?"

I actually turn round to look at her because she's clearly insane, or blind.

"The best fucking man!" I tell her, it should be obvious.

"Edward?" She screws her nose up. "He's not hot."

"He very much is Rose. Fuck me, a head's up might have been nice."

"How was I supposed to know you were talking about him!"

"I described him perfectly. Amazing hair, tall, hot."

"He's tall, but his hair is an absolute nightmare."

"Are you feeling alright? It's fucking spectacular. I can't believe you would ask him to cut it."

"Do you two think you could maybe decide if the best man is hot or not later? Everybody's waiting" My dad says, reminding us we're supposed to be walking down the aisle.

"So what, he's like Emmett's best friend?"

"Brother."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I glare at Rose before turning back around, plastering a smile on my face and stepping forward as the music starts.

We make it to the alter and Emmett positively beams as he sees his bride, they really are quite in love.

Rose is looking at him like he's the greatest man in the world and as they exchange vows their admiration and devotion to each other is evident.

I'm determinedly not making eye contact with Edward who stands beside me throughout the ceremony, although I'm very aware of him. The strange sensation is back and I wonder if he feels it too.

Rose and Emmett are pronounced husband and wife and a cheer erupts in the small church.

Rose laughs happily as Emmett kisses her and leads her back down the aisle.

"Shall we?" Edward asks.

I take his proffered arm, and we make our way out of the church.

"So you must be the sister I've heard so much about," he smirks at me.

"I am, and you must be the brother I had no idea existed up until twenty minutes ago." I smile widely back.

"Rose never mentioned me?" He feigns shock, "I can't say I'm surprised, between you and me, I don't think she's my biggest fan."

I laugh, I can't help it.

"At least she didn't get to pick my outfit. What the fuck did you do to upset her?"

"I chose this dress."

"Oh, ok, sorry, it's..., nice?" He asks more than states. He has no idea I'm fucking with him now.

We stand outside the church alongside Emmett and Rose, I'm introduced to and shake hands with what feels like a million people as they exit the church.

Everyone's milling around while Rose and Emmett have photos taken before we have to head off to a hotel for the reception, and I scan the crowd for Alice.

"Over here Babe!" She waves, laughing and motioning me over.

"Excuse me for a minute," I say to Edward. I feel a bit bad for leaving him standing there on his own, but I need to have a serious word with my best friend.

"What are you doing?" I ask as soon as I reach her.

"Bella, this lesbian thing is awesome. Everyone is being so nice, the couple I sat next to in church wanted me to tell you they're happy for you, and I've just had a lovely chat with a Mrs Cope, and she's over the moon we're together. She always suspected you were '_a bit different'_. For small-town folk, they've got some really progressive attitudes. I like it."

"I'm so glad you like it, can you stop now."

"No fucking way, it's too much fun. But more importantly, did you see store guy, is he here?"

"Yes! Christ Alice, you're never gonna believe it." I start but I'm interrupted.

"Sorry, but Rose and Emmett want a picture with us". Edward says looking apologetic.

"Well hello Mr Best man," Alice turns to me, "I've changed my mind about the lesbian thing."

"Jesus, I need a drink," I mutter and try to remember why I thought inviting her to this wedding was a good idea. "This is Emmett's brother Edward," I give her a look, trying to indicate that he's who I've told her about. "Edward, this is Alice."

"Hey Edward, nice to meet you. You two go on, go get your pictures done, then you can point out the hot piece of ass you saw at the store earlier."

I might actually die.

I want the ground to open up and swallow me.

"So I'm pretty embarrassed right now," I tell him as we head towards my sister and her new husband. I"m sure he must know we were talking about him.

"Why?"

"Alice...," Honestly, how do I even begin to explain her.

"Don't worry Bella, I think it's really great you're both so secure in your relationship that you can be so open. Not many couples would talk as candidly about other people they find attractive."

"Sorry what?" I ask as we approach the happy couple.

"You and Alice, Rose's told me, and I find it really refreshing that there's no jealousy."

"Um..., what exactly did my sister tell you?" I ask him.

All the while conjuring up a thousand new ways to kill her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Twilight is not mine. Thanks for all the reviews and the recs and pimping on** **Fb. Appreciate it.**

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**Chapter 6**

"Did you tell the whole fucking town I was a lesbian?" I storm over to my sister. "You are so lucky it's your wedding day and I'm in this stupid dress, otherwise I'd take you down. What did you do, take out an ad in the local fucking newspaper or something? There are people I haven't seen in years congratulating Alice. Where do you even get off, going about telling people my personal business?"

"Bella honey, we're all just happy you're happy." My mom says.

"Do I look fucking happy?" I ask my mother.

"Well no, not right now, but we're all so pleased that you've made a life for yourself in Seattle and you've finally settled down. I'm sure Alice is wonderful. I can't wait to meet her."

"Alice is really great, but she's not my girlfriend and I haven't 'settled down' with anyone. Because. I'm. Not. A. Fucking. Lesbian!"

"We do have company Bella," My dad says, he's standing with a nice looking couple who I just know are gonna be Emmett and Edwards parents.

"Right, let's get both families together," The photographer says chirpily like he hasn't just witnessed me in all my glory.

"Bella, these are my parents Esme and Carlisle." Edward's looking far too amused for my liking. "This is Bella, Rosalie's sister. And I'm not sure if it was clear just now, but I don't think she's a lesbian."

"Behave Edward. Today is not the time for your sarcasm. It's your brother's wedding and you just have to be nice for one day." His mother tells him, and I think he might be my soul twin. "Bella, it's a pleasure to finally meet you." She smiles graciously although I'm pretty certain she must be lying about it being a pleasure.

"You too," I tell her.

We take pictures, hundreds of them, and the minute I'm dismissed I go and find Alice.

"We're leaving."

"The wedding?"

"No. I can't say I haven't considered it, but I don't think I'd ever be forgiven for fucking off back to Seattle halfway through my sister's wedding. Let's go to the hotel, there's got to be a stool at the free bar with my name on it."

"Sounds like a plan."

"And just because this day couldn't get any worse, hot store guy is Edward; a.k.a. Mr Best man, Emmett's brother, who was also under the impression that we were a couple, so that's been super fun."

"Oh fucking hell that's brilliant, you sure know how to pick 'em."

We jump into Alice's car and head over to the reception venue.

When we arrive at the swanky hotel we're met by a waitress with a tray of drinks. I take one, down it immediately, and take another, ignoring the look she gives me.

"God I needed that,"

"All the formal shit is over, it's time to have some fun. What's your plan with Edward?"

"Nothing, I can't have my wicked way with him and then never see him again now can I?" Disappointed doesn't even begin to cover it, but I can hardly hook up with my new brother-in-law. "We're like related or something."

"Even better, means you can get together whenever there's a family occasion, might make coming back to Forks more enjoyable, if you know what I mean." She winks theatrically.

"We'll see, he does seem really cool, but he thought I was gay, and he might not even be interested." I shrug.

"Isabella Marie Swan. You are a gorgeous, talented, fucking amazing female, who could have any man,_ or woman if you prefer_, that you wanted. Anyone would be lucky to have you. And Edward, 'I'm the best man, hot and have great hair', would be crazy to not want a piece of you. I will not have my best friend, roommate, and imaginary lesbian lover feeling anything less than sensational right now. So get that drink down you, and let's show this town who you really are. It's your sister's wedding, there's a free bar, and you, my friend, are awesome."

I laugh, I do love my best friend, not in the way everyone thinks, but nevertheless, she's my best person.

We're three more drinks in when everyone else arrives and we're instructed to sit at our places in order for Rose and Emmett to make their grand entrance. Alice takes her place alongside some guests I don't know, while I make my way to the top table.

As you can imagine I'm absolutely delighted to discover I've been seated between Edward and his father.

"Hey Bella." Edward sighs as he drops into his seat next to me. "I don't know about you, but I'm gonna be so relieved when this is all over. I'm completely over this whole wedding. Those two need to fuck off on their honeymoon and give us all some peace."

And because I've had a few drinks, and he clearly understands my struggle, I decide to throw caution to the wind.

"Just so you know Edward, I'm not a lesbian, I didn't choose this dress, it's hideous, and I think your hair is fucking fantastic."


	7. Chapter 7

**Loving the love, the reviews and the pimping. Thank you so, so much! Kity arrives in a week, she is my person and always will be. I love her forever and always.**

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**Chapter 7**

"Thanks. Your sister hates it, but judging by your fucking awful dress, and the fact she just married my idiot brother, her taste is quite frankly shocking." He shrugs and I laugh.

"But I'm not gonna lie, I was really pleased to hear you're not a lesbian." His smirk is back and might well be the death of me.

"Is that so?" I nod, trying to be nonchalant and not show just how much I'm freaking out internally.

"Yeah, I've got this friend Jasper who I think would be perfect for you. I was thinking I could set you up."

"Huh," I'm usually far more eloquent, but I wasn't ready for the rush of disappointment that hits me. "Oh, ok," I down my drink, and look around for another. Grabbing the bottle of wine that's on the table to have with dinner.

I'm trying to get it open when Edward puts his hand over mine.

"Bella, I'm sorry," The smirk is gone and he looks sincere. "I was kidding. I don't know what it was, but I wanted you the minute I witnessed you in all your stunning fury at the store this morning and I'm hoping you felt it too."

"You're an absolute fucker Edward Cullen. Perhaps I should meet this Jasper, I might like his hair more than yours." I don't poke my tongue out, but I want to.

"I sure as shit will not be setting you up with any of my friends, so you can cut that out." He looks disgusted I've suggested it. "Besides I'm pretty sure Jasper is otherwise engaged based on the fact I think he's trying to dry hump your friend at their table." He points over and I see Alice is practically on some guys lap.

"Jesus, that girl. You can't take her anywhere." I shake my head, much happier now that Edward appears to be on the same page as me.

I think this wedding might just turn out to be an ok day.

"Edward, Bella," Carlisle sits down beside me, with Esme. "Are they nearly here? I'm starving."

"Carlisle!" Esme admonishes him and he gives Edward a conspirational look.

"Wine?" Edward asks, as he deftly opens the bottle he's taken from me. His father holds out a glass, as do I.

"We've got the speeches before dinner so it'll be a while, I told you to eat before we came," Esme tells him "Actually Edward, do you think you can grab Rose's bags from the car and take them to their room?" Esme asks.

"Can I fuck," Edward says "Emmett can do it, she's not my wife."

Carlisle snorts and Esme gives him 'the look'. And I just know I'm gonna like him.

"Really Edward? What is the matter with you? Couldn't you just be a little bit helpful today of all days?"

"Fine. Yes of course I will mother, it will be my absolute pleasure to provide that service for you." He bows theatrically. "I've been demoted to fucking bellboy," he mutters so that only I can hear.

"Come on, I'll give you a hand," I say.

"Thank you Bella, that's so kind of you. See Edward, some people are more than willing to help out."

I'm probably not going to mention to his mother that I just wanted to get Edward alone for a little bit, and into the honeymoon suite no less.

Carlisle hands over his keys and Edward and I head to his car. We pass Emmett and Rose having yet more pictures taken outside the impressive venue.

Edward grabs the bags and I follow him, really not helping in any way and we deposit Rose's bags in her room and admire the suite, it is gorgeous.

"This is gorgeous," I begin to say when suddenly Edward has me pushed up against the wall, and we're kissing.

I am loving every single minute of it. We're intertwining tongues and I'm lost in sensation and want.

I push back, just as enthusiastic, this was what I was after all along.

His hands start wandering, as do mine, and as I reach the flies on his trousers he stops me.

"I didn't think we could."

"Why?" Seriously, I don't know why we can't throw down right now.

"Er well, it's just I saw you buying…, you know, feminine supplies earlier."

"What?"

"In the store?"

"Oh, you mean the tampons?"

"Well yeah,"

"Real guys run red lights," I tell him, and he looks so shocked I want to jump him right there and then.

"Awesome, I don't want to wait, I want you Bella."

"But just so you know, those were for Rose! She came on this morning. It was a massive catastrophe."

"Oh," he laughs. "Well, that's really gonna fuck up my brother's wedding night plans."

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**'Real guys run red lights' is not mine - Katherine Ryan said it, so it is and always will be hers! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Twilight is still not mine. Thank you to everyone who reviews, honestly makes my day to get one. Thanks to everyone who has recommended this story. Got a lot of new readers thanks to Fyrebyrd, and after this, I'm gonna read A Dirty Lion. Sounds awesome. Twilight Fanfic Finders and Frannie Walsh, my thanks to you for pimping my story. If I've missed someone who has recc'ed I'm sorry, let me know and I will thank them because the response to this has been awesome and I only have my amazing readers to thank! Love you all! **

**There probably won't be an update for a while cos KITTY IS COMING TOMORROW! For my kids wedding! (Perhaps where I got my inspiration?). But I'm super busy being mother of the bride and what not. Will write when I can. Thanks for reading.**

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**Chapter 8**

"We should probably head back down," I say reluctantly.

"We should probably do this for a bit longer," He's kissing me again and not gonna lie, his suggestion is way better.

We fumble around, still kissing and eventually fall onto the bed.

"How the fuck do you get into this thing?" Edward asks growing frustrated with my dress.

"Zipper at the side," I instruct him, breathless and panting, I'm pulling his shirt out of his trousers and we're a mess of confused limbs as we try to undress each other.

"Is it wrong to fool around in the honeymoon suite before the married couple?"

"It's wrong on so many levels," I gasp, although neither of us makes any attempt to stop what we're doing.

"Bella, is everything alright in there?"

"Fuck sake," I sigh as we both freeze. "Fine mom, we're just getting everything ready for the happy couple."

"Oh how lovely, are you setting up a romantic surprise for them?"

"Uh, yeah, sure." I look at Edward and he's barely containing his laughter.

"Ok, well, Rose and Emmett are ready to make their entrance."

"We'll be right there." I hear her walk away and roll my eyes at Edward. "We nearly fucked on your bed, hows that for a romantic surprise."

We both laugh, getting up and straightening ourselves and the bed out. I glance in the mirror to see I looked flushed and excited and Edward's hair is looking rather unruly.

"Your sister's going to go ape shit," he says trying to tame it.

"I know, I'm not even sorry," I say grinning widely.

"Me neither," He kisses me quickly on the lips. "To be continued later?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely."

We make our way back down to the reception hall and unfortunately run into the newlyweds at the door.

"What the hell Edward, where have you been?" Emmett asks.

"Calm the fuck down Em, we were putting your wife's shit in your room, I didn't even want to, mom made me."

"It's my wedding Bella. Everything is supposed to be perfect. Everyone's in there waiting for our entrance and we've been stood out here like idiots for ten minutes."

"Cool story Rose, but as he said, we were doing you a favour so a bit of gratitude might be nice." I'm fairly certain what Edward and I were just doing couldn't really be classed as doing her a favour, but she didn't know that, so I figured my point was valid.

"Sorry, thank you," she says looking a bit guilty.

"Yeah thanks," Emmett agrees. "For everything you've both done for us today, and this last week. We really appreciate it."

"No worries," Edward says, and we hastily make our way into the reception room.

Alice wiggles her eyebrows as I pass her table and I give her a sly grin and look pointedly at Jasper. We have a lot to talk about when we get a chance.

"Where have you two been?" Esme asks as we take our seats, but we're saved from having to answer by loud clinking on a glass.

"Ladies and gentlemen may I present Mr and Mrs Cullen."

The whole room stands and claps as my sister and Emmett walk into the room; they do look great together.

They wave and say hi to people as they make their way to the dance floor. Rose looks gloriously happy and I can't help but smile. I'm still mad as hell with her, but there's no denying she's a gorgeous bride.

The music starts up and they twirl around the dancefloor to loud applause. Rose laughs and smiles, and Emmett beams. They're too caught up with each other to notice my dad shuffling towards them awkwardly.

He waits with Esme until the end of the song then they walk onto the dancefloor and dance with their respective children.

When the music comes to an end, Emmett and Rose make their way over to cut their cake. There's a huge cheer as they feed each other a small slice.

They hold hands and walk around chatting to a few people before taking their place at the top table and waiters appear out of nowhere with the first course.

"Finally," Carlisle says, "My stomach's beginning to think my throats been cut," he pours us all more wine as I try not to laugh out loud.

"What the hell is this?" Edward says what I'm thinking when our salads are placed in front of us.

It's beautiful, it looks like a work of art, but there's a disturbing lack of actual food on my plate.

"Seriously Esme, wheres the rest? Carlisle looks like he might cry.

"Shh, it's nouvelle cuisine," Esme tells us.

"It's what?"

"It's a fucking joke is what it is," I say quietly to Edward.

"Nouvelle cuisine dad, it's a fancy way to say 'a very expensive plate of not much food'."

"Rosalie and Emmett wanted their wedding reception to be refined, elegant and sophisticated," Esme tells us.

"They shouldn't have invited us then." Edward laughs as my aunt stands up to make a speech.

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**This chapter was hard, felt like filler, but nevermind. I'm now off to read Nolebucgrl's new story, it was my reward for posting. She is amazing, we all know this, and we're lucky to have her in our fandom. if you haven't read her (hahahaha, like anyone hasn't), She has new story! Cannot wait! She is the most amazing.**


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